I'm not going to talk about how my "Ghent story" is almost coming to an end. It's too early for that and I want to think about it as much as I want to talk about my upcoming thesis. So I'll skip this part until the time I'll be sitting in the train, looking poetically out of the window, while heading to the airport all by myself (me and my 60 kilos of luggages). Yes, probably tears will come but right now I'm quite satisfied.
Have you ever felt like you're on the edge of a major discovery? I'm not talking about scientific breakthrough. Just a simple eureka about yourself. The "AHAA" moment...
The other day, when I once again faced the complicated, yet brilliant system of Belgian railway, I sat next to an utterly bright toddler. I'm not quite sure if he has already accomplished the ways of speaking but he sure knows how to run back and forward without any reasons what so ever. He was like Usain Bolt catching yet another medal. Only this time we were in a public transportation and the seating cap was his lane. Back and forth, back and forth, back and forth, giggling himself to coma while at it. Like it was his job, and one hell of an enviable occupation. As a stared at this boy, who had faced the technology of walking probably a month ago, I felt like him. I could identify with this almost baby boy. Weird, eh?
I'm talking about being naive. Running through life, constant smile on your face, believing everything's okay - you'll have wonderful future, you'll have a different future, one of a kind future. Assuming only the good and seeing only the best in people. I've never thought about it like that and one moment later... "AHAA!".
Meanwhile Estonia is facing the momentous question about accepting the refugees and giving them a place to stay, food to eat, lessons to learn and possibly a future home, I'm here telling everyone what a tremendously ethnically pure country it is. Or when someone tells me that our government is corrupted. I'll argue the fact till I'm right about believing I'm right, although there are statistics saying otherwise. I don't believe it. I believe only the good and the best. That might be a problem if I'll become a journalist, right? And I'm not talking about political issues here. I'm onto something what they call believing in people, believing they want the best for you. I suppose everything's different where I am. But it is not.
Few weeks ago we had a guest lecturer and she talked about cyber bullying. By the end of the lesson we had to write about our experiences. As I sat there and saw everybody writing so eagerly about the possibly sad stories relative to bullying, I didn't know what to write. I've never seen anyone being bullied. That's the thing. I always thought problems like this exist somewhere else, far from me. Until they write about and you finally have to accept the fact that people are miserable, perhaps you with them...
That's what I found out. I detected my naive mind and now I'm getting to a point where I don't believe anyone. I have that look in my eyes ... You know, that's the look when you get when someone's doubting. It like the cliché moment when someone tells you there's no Santa Claus... or Ryan Gosling has a girlfriend. I think this moment arrives at one point when you're saying almost good bye to the teens and hello to the adult life.
And I don't like it, at all. So I decided a week ago that I'll do it how I've always done it. Constantly believing the best and only the best. Believing in people, to the future, to the fact that I'll find myself the greatest occupation there is and I'll be a freaking firecracker.
But deep in my heart... I'll accept the fact that I am a bit of naive. But only a bit.
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